Friday, August 31, 2012
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I feel like my attention span has gotten a lot shorter. I’ve started writing another post probably about 11 times but halfway though I will give up on it. My reasoning will either be that I figure what i’ve written is way too personal....or I just lose steam. Something else grabs my attention for a millisecond and that’s it. No more writing. But it’s not just with writing that I find I can’t sit still it’s with reading as well. My excuse for that is that I just haven’t found a book that grabs me. But that’s poor reasoning. I’ve started several books that are very interesting, I just can’t seem to get past the first 20 pages..okay it’s more like 10. Sad, I know. So why is this? When I ask myself this question my immediate response is, “I blame Facebook”. Yep. That’s exactly what trails through my mind. The devil made me do it. Except the devil in this theory is the oh, so addicting book of faces.
You don’t know it but I just took a three minute break from writing this to talk to my roommate....then I picked up my coffee cup and almost started drawing on it...and then I realized what I was doing and thought it might be better if I actually finish writing the blog about not being able to finish things. Phew. How was that for a run-on sentence? Ok...where was I? Oh, Facebook. Yes, it’s not just Fbook that has to do with this whole attention span of a gnat thing, it’s technology in general. Well...maybe society in general. Ok I know i’m about to sound like a grandparent who can’t figure out their email thereby condemning all technology to hell, but bear with me. We live in a world where everything is done in an instant. Access to the world is just the tap of a keyboard away...or a finger swoosh if you have an iphone.
Just this morning it took a near 15 seconds for my google page to load. 15 WHOLE SECONDS! And I got impatient. I kept hitting refresh because it was taking so freaking long. Guess what I was looking up...the weather. Yup. I could have gotten up, walked the 20 steps to a window and looked outside. But nope, I googled it.
At that moment I looked deep inside myself (ok, not that deep...just enough....it’s not like this is some life altering epiphany) but I just realized the absurdity of the situation. I rely on my computer for everything. Have a question? Google. What movie do I recognize that actor from? IMDB. What the heck is a Bot Fly? Youtube.(Which by the way, kind of makes me not want to travel.)
Anyway, I just feel like those movies that were made 25 years ago about the future and how robots will take over...I kind of feel like that’s coming true. We rely on getting information so quickly that we are losing the ability to sit down, focus and do things the “hard” way. Like doing research by cracking open a book. It’s like we can only focus in 15 minute increments.
Oh, and don’t even get me started on the spelling of today....sorry, I just had a small rage blackout.
Anyway...let me end with a quote from the novel “1984”
“Don't you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought? In the end we shall make thoughtcrime literally impossible, because there will be no words in which to express it. Every concept that can ever be needed, will be expressed by exactly one word, with its meaning rigidly defined and all its subsidiary meanings rubbed out and forgotten. Already, in the Eleventh Edition, we're not far from that point. But the process will still be continuing long after you and I are dead. Every year fewer and fewer words, and the range of consciousness always a little smaller.”
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
2 Corinthians 12:9,10
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
This verse was waiting for me when I opened up Facebook. Right now I am overwhelmed by God’s faithfulness. And by how true He is to his Word. The last couple days have not been easy. Yesterday I went to see my mom and it was one of my hardest visits yet. Together, we sat in her room but she didn’t say anything. I would ask a question but silence was her reply. When I knelt down in front of her, her eyes were glazed over and there was no sparkle of recognition in them. The only way I knew that she knew I was there was that she grasped my hand in hers and didn’t let go.
As we sat there I broke down in tears. I haven’t cried like that in a long time. It was a kind of soul wrenching sob. It was a combination of sorrow over not having my mother to wrap me in her arms and the realization that she would truly be better off with Jesus.
I have never known anyone as strong and graceful as my mother. I have never heard her speak ill of anyone. She was always so quick to forgive and so full of the love of Christ.
I leaned in close to her and began to pray, I thanked God for His blessing on our family. I thanked him for every hardship that has come our way. And I thanked Him for giving me a mother who realized that her life’s purpose was to follow Christ. I also thanked Him for the chance to say goodbye. I know that not everyone gets that change. Sometimes the people we love are gone in an instant and there are words left unsaid. But that won’t be the case here. I told my mom that I love her. I asked for forgiveness for the things i’ve done to her. And I told her that my heart belongs to Christ. There is nothing else to say.
I read the Bible to her for the last little while. If she is to hear anything it should be God’s truth.
I don’t know how much longer she has. It could be a day. It could be another 10 years. But, really, all of our lives are like that. But the Lord has given me a chance to have closure. A kind that I didn’t have with my father. What I will carry around will not be grief, but peace. I will praise God for his unending faithfulness and for blessing me with the time that we had together. At the end of this I will be able to say “It is well with my soul.”
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tonight I went back to a place that I called home for two and a half years. And tonight it felt just like it used to. I’ve gone back there several times over this last year that I’ve been gone. And every time it didn’t feel right. Not bad, just not like it used to. I definitely went to see the people. And every time I went, I expected to feel something. Some sort of longing, a longing to be back home. But it was never there. And really, that’s a good thing because it means that I am happy where I am at. And I know that i’m where God wants me to be.
But tonight was different. Tonight was the same. It was familiar. A friend, whom I haven't seen in a year, came for a visit and I made my way down there and except for a couple of people, we were all together again. And we picked up right where we left off. No awkward small talk. Just a smooth transition into comfortable familiarity. Old inside jokes were returned to and new ones created. With a walk around the block at sunset and the smell of ocean air keeping us company, it was home. And I think that with the knowledge that this place that has touched so many of us won’t be around forever, I think that made us go back. It wasn’t a desperate clinging to what was but more of a somber respect for what we had. And what we had was this: a place that brought so many different people together. From every walk of life imaginable. Some for a little while, some for a long time. Many have come and gone, but what transpired there is unforgettable. We have talked about politics, and religion. And Jesus. And where the line is drawn between these. Topics of love and peace. Of sins of the past and the redemption of tomorrow. All of us (mostly) respecting the difference in opinion and agreeing to disagree. Three Trees has given a home to those who were without one, and served as a dwelling for those in need of community they didn’t have.
And as I sit here in my new home, which I do love, there is a longing in my heart for what was. Because the years spent there, and the people that I have met, helped shape who I am today. And it’s hard for me to look to the future because of how unknown it is. But as i’ve said before, I will take what I learned and I will carry it with me forever. It is a part of me and always will be. It is my heart, it is in my soul. And that is how it should be.
Friday, January 1, 2010
This is technically my 20th new year. Probably the 10th one that I remember. I will no longer be a teenager in two weeks. And in 12 hours I will be out on my own. With my own place, beginning another segment in my new life.
And when the crowd goes home, the lights are turned down and the only sound is the dishwasher running the first of many loads, the feeling sets in. It is the feeling that I had expected when I left the states but didn’t come. Too much expectation perhaps? It was an anti-climax. Maybe it was because I wasn’t necessarily choosing to leave, it was just something that I had to unquestionably do. But this, this is different. I am leaving something good, something that will end with fond memories and closer relationships. I am choosing to go out on my own and carry what I’ve learned with me. This is me being an adult, making an adult decision. I used to be a child making adult decisions, but for once who I am and what i’m doing, is being done the way it should. So what i’m feeling is this, I am sad that I just said “good-night” and “see you in the morning” for the last time to Joel and Jenn, but I am excited because tomorrow, technically today, is the first day of a new year and a new escapade in my life. I will be utterly reliant on God for his provision. And that’s the way I want it. And so it should be. So I bid adieu to 2009 and will go lay down for the last time in my queen size bed that I will miss and wake up with the expectation of something more. Good night and good luck. Happy New Year.