I grew up afraid of God. Afraid of who he was. I didn't think he liked me very much. I would hear "God loves you" but never did I believe it. And I didn't realize that I didn't believe it. Not until last October.
In a conversation with a friend that started off on a different God topic, it somehow came down to love. I had seen something in this friend that I knew I didn't have but I couldn't put my finger on it. And then I got it, she loves God. Her love for Him and His love for her makes up who she is. It kind of surprised me when I realized that I didn't believe that God loves me. And I can't tell you how hard I fought this. It was inconceivable to me. How could God love me? When I think the things I do? When I act the way I do? When I turn my back on Him constantly? How is it possible that I can be loved by the Creator of the universe? I also fought it because I look around and see the chaos that is this world. I'm sorry but life can be a bitch. It can hurt. This has become a world where violence and pain are rampant. Values have gone out the window, the idea of marriage is a flippin' joke. Children are raped and killed. People are starving. It's hard to see the love is this mess.
But then I stopped and I realized, this wasn't the plan. God is not in some far off place watching all this crap go down and not caring. He cares. It hurts Him. This was supposed to be a world where we were a creation that takes delight in Him. Where we would love Him and receive His Love. But that's not what happened. Because he loves us he gave us free will. And we took it.We did this. We try and place the blame all on Him. We ask why and how he could let this happen when he is an almighty God, why can't he just step in and fix it? Well he did. He gave us Jesus. That's the solution. Isn't it funny how we have the answer to the problem and we can't see it?
God's love is incredible. It is so fundamental to who we are. It is the reason why we have hope. If we didn't have it then our entire existence would be pointless. He loves us. We don't deserve it but we have it. I finally understood that a few months ago. I can't tell you the exact moment when it clicked. But I just kinda woke up one day and I believed that God loved me. I got it. It is that love that gives me a purpose. He has been with me in every hurt. He was holding me and giving me strength to go on. It is His love that has protected me. That love has kept the wounds from being fatal. So yes I know that Jesus love me and it is only because of that love that I am able to live.
